FAMILY SIDDUR STUDY: Erev Shabbat Services

Guided Lessons for Parents and Children to Learn Together

Which is most important, Jewish education of adults or of young people? The majority of congregation members we have known favored devoting most education resources to the children, because they believed them to be “the future of Judaism and the Jewish people.”
 
Yet we know that parents serve as models for their children. If they do not value Torah sufficiently to learn it and live it throughout their lifetimes, the message to their children is unmistakable: listen to what I say but ignore what I do. It instills in their children the belief that Jewish education is not particularly valuable or essential and, possibly even more troubling, that their parents are hypocrites, not credible models.
 
It is not enough that parents rhetorically value Jewish education. The essence of their traditional role, what has sustained us historically as a people, has not been that we ensured our children’s material success but that we passed on to them Jewish moral-spiritual knowledge and observance, equipping them to achieve lifelong meaning and fulfillment, and incentivizing them to pass on the tradition to their children.
 
We have concluded that for families lacking Jewish education, one of the most important steps towards Torah-based belief and practice is to learn as a family—all members of the family, young and old, studying together, teaching one another, and practicing their knowledge of Torah in their day-to-day life. Our experience is that it requires an innovative approach that engages both the young people and their parents:
 
Thus this series is designed to educate participants of diverse ages and abilities together to reduce the pervasive peer pressure that ordinarily favors the values of popular culture rather than those of Judaism. Parents and other adults are encouraged to learn with and from young people. We challenge family members to learn in more diverse groupings, not only with others their own age but reflecting the whole age-range of family life, so together they support one another’s commitment to the Torah vision and path in daily practice.
 
The series challenges participants rather than entertain them according to current fads and fashions. We assume Jewish education will never compete successfully with the entertainment offered by films, television, computer games, and the Internet. But challenges, accompanied by support and follow-up, build self-esteem and self-confidence, outcomes that motivate students to continue their education, even when it’s onerous. So we challenge them to learn and to grapple with Jewish texts that provide insight into personal areas of confusion and failure that have dogged them in daily life.
 
The series assumes that most participants benefit by learning the deeper meanings of the Hebrew prayers and the related Torah concepts, which they can do more easily in the context of singing in the service. So we challenge them to learn the Hebrew meanings and Torah concepts, and encourage them to learn the hazzanut from a recording at home to overcome their embarrassment and anxiety about singing during services.
 
The series challenges family members not only to learn but also to teach. Our experience is that people of all ages tend to be put off by expectations that they be passive consumers rather than creators and producers, at least some of the time. So we challenge them to assume their rightful and essential roles as teachers in the dor l’dor education of the Jewish people—but, of course, always in ways that fit their knowledge and skill.
 
The series is not “kid’s stuff.” Our experience is that people tend not to value a program that they know to be dumbed down. So the content and questions posed to participants challenge them to learn at a mature level.
 
In the brief time available for a once-a-week study group, there is barely enough time to scratch the surface of the material included in the services. For many participants, it will be their first opportunity to study the liturgy. Thus the approach here is to familiarize the participants with only a few parts of the services but to encourage them to think about the relevance of the material to their own lives. In our experience, some will replace their former disinterest and boredom during services for a learning experience they find to be interesting and inspiring, one that brings them closer to God and to the kind of stronger, healthier, happier, and more fulfilled life they have wanted—encouraging them to embark on a path of lifelong Torah education.
 
But understandably, Family Siddur Study is not a fixed formula for inclusive family Torah education. Ideally, it should be modified to accommodate local circumstances. Content and pedagogy should be gauged to be slightly above the comfort level of both young people and adults—just enough to be challenging but not overwhelming.

Links to Lesson Plans


For Family Siddur Study participants who are newcomers to traditional Jewish knowledge and practice but want to explore Torah-Judaism in greater depth, we have several suggestions here that may be helpful in getting started.